Thursday, June 15, 2006

Captured Documents Reveal Important Instructions

Lileks has captured documents from the latest head of al Qaeda, Abu Hamza al-Muhajer, who encourages the freedom fighters to stay strong; they are winning no matter what it looks like.

However, he does take some time to admonish lousy security, knock down a few myths, and introduce new protocal:

You may have read reports that Al-Zarkawi had in his position a tiger-skinned negligee at the time of his glorious. This is Infidel propaganda. He was a man of highest moral standards. The suggestion that he made his bride, whom he nobly made full with child when she was 14, wear such a sinful garment is meant to weaken your spirit, and make you think of slim dark-eyed ripe women draped in the clothing of wild beasts, lips parted, exhaling the softest perfume of –

All warriors must take three cold showers a day, not two.

Damn. That description was just getting good.

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