Tuesday, April 25, 2006

"Kiss My Fat Shrapneled Jordanian Ass"

At long last Abu Musab Al-Zarqawi has found the time to once again guest blog at Iowahawk. It has been almost six months since he asked us to stop comparing him to the American left, questioning their dedication when push comes to shove:

...soon as you need some volunteers to take out a grade school full of collaborators, they’re like, “sorry dude, I’ve got to run off some International ANSWER fliers at Kinkos.”

In his latest, The Zarkman reports he is still getting irritating fan mail from Koskids and academia, like this one:

Hey Zarkman!
OMG u r teh ROXOR! Its like u r total Che Guervera and Fidel and Malcom X plus System of a Down!! Good luck against the Zionist neocon occupiers!!!! Ya,, SCREW those mercenaries!!! Everybody here at UCLA Ed school thinks u r total l33t HARDCORE!!!

Fight teh POWER bro!!!

Dr. Peter McLaren
Professor, Graduate School of Education
University of California at Los Angeles

There are many more emails from subordinates and al Qaeda upper management that have conspired to create a hostile work environment. Al-Zarqawi, as he has done in the past, wonders how Allah could have allowed America all the luck:

...how come all those badass hard muthafuckin’ Wu Tang infidels end up on Team Satan, and Zarkman gets stuck with the dipshits too stoned to tune their stupid guitars?

Be sure to look for Executive VP for Strategic Foresight Ayman Zawahiri's endearing and uplifting e-mail sign-off when you read the latest guest blog from the senior VP, Iraq division. As usual he is witty and poignant without coming off as elitist. Just the humble revolutionary we have come to know and love.

No comments: