Wednesday, May 18, 2005

WARD CHURCHILL MADE THE GRAPEVINE yesterday, when Brit Hume drew attention to a lengthy document he sent to UCBoulder in which he outlines the parameters for his claim that he is a Native American.

In a 50-page document sent to university officials yesterday, Churchill says he meets three key criteria to being Native American:

First, he calls himself Native American.

Second, others believe he's Native American.

And third, a tribe of Indians in Oklahoma has awarded him an associate membership.

As if that weren't weak enough on it's face, today the Keetowah Band, the tribe that Churchill proudly proclaims membership, narrowed his parameters even further.

...the Oklahoma-based Indian tribe now says that membership doesn't mean very much, insisting, "[we] would like to make it clear that Mr. Churchill is NOT a member of the Keetoowah Band and was only given an honorary 'associate membership' ... because he could not prove any Cherokee ancestry."

In a statement posted on its Web site, the tribe adds, "[Mr. Churchill's] past, present and future claims or assertions of Keetoowah 'enrollment,' written or spoken, ... are deemed fraudulent by the United Keetoowah Band."

With that, Churchill's claim to Native American heritage is essentially reduced to"I said so, and people believe me." You know what this means don't you?

Churchill's publisher, AK Press (big in the anarcho-cult), can proudly put Churchill's "mug" on those "whitey will pay" t-shirts. While we're on the subject of Ward, I thought I would share Matt LaBash's description of the modern Che Geuvara.

As on most days, he is denim'ed and boot'ed, his hair featuring two gray racing stripes down either side that tuck behind his prodigious ears, pushing them out as if he were trying to receive The O'Churchill Factor on twin satellite dishes. He has the lived-in and leathered look of Nick Nolte in a post DUI-mugshot, and the Sunday-Morning-Coming-Down, outlaw zen of a Kris Kristofferson.

The world would be a far less humorous place without the likes of Matt LaBash.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Lets see, maybe he is of the Wannabees, or maybe the Wherdafugawees, or even the Kawkeeshan tribe.

This guy is alot of fun and in the end, I'm happy he came along (as a member of the other team).