Is There To Be a Bloodletting in Minnesota?

Tim Pawlenty has a new challenger for the Governorship of Minnesota in the state that brought America Jesse "The Mind" Ventura.

Jonathon "The Impaler" Sharkey. I'll just post some exerpts and you can judge for yourself.

I am a Satanic Dark Priest, Sanguinarian Vampyre and a Hecate Witch. My Magikal Path name is: Lord Ares.

I despise and hate the Christian God the Father. He is my enemy.

However, it doesn't mean that I hate all his followers.

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Besides my personal spiritual beliefs, I am a 70% Service-Connected(disabled by the VA) Army Veteran. I suffered severe injuries during a training exercise while on active duty. Between my Active, Reserves, National Guard and IRR duty, I served our country for 9 years through the Army.

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As you will read in my platform, I am a strong supporter of education and protecting not only Minnesota’s farm lands, but farmers across America from becoming extinct.

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In 1989, I decided to start wrestling professionally. Hence my “stage name” of Rocky Flash. Since the age of 13, I have been nicknamed after Stallone’s “Rocky,” the fighter who never quit or gave up.

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I will introduce extremely harsh punishment for those who not only use illegal drugs, I will fight to make dealers serve life in prison, or better yet, Impalement.

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Any Terrorist who is caught in Minnesota while I am Governor, will find out what the true meaning of my nickname 'The Impaler' means. Right in front of our State Capital.

To his credit, The Impaler admits openly that Minnesota is simply a stepping stone to the presidency.

You may ask why you should vote for me, if in 2009 I could become the President. The answer is simply this. During my first 2-years as your Governor, I will work harder for you than most Governors do in 8-years. My goal to become president can be achieved in part, by just how well I serve Minnesota during my first 2-years.

For the most part its pretty cookie cutter stuff, except for all of the impaling. He doesn't like "special interests," or "back-room politicking," and is promising that life here will be the "best it has ever been."

Now, The Impaler's wife is threatening to sue her employer, the Princeton school district.

Julie Carpenter says she was fired from her job as a school bus driver and her neighbors are requesting her eviction because of her religious beliefs as a self-proclaimed ‘witch’. Carpenter is the wife of Jonathon Sharkey, a ‘vampire’ who is campaigning for governor.

The district says she was not fired, but rather not allowed to drive a bus anymore due to her proximity to children, which they have the right to do.

“We have the right, that if we feel if somebody is not what we want them to be with children, or any other reason, all we have to do is let them know.”

I highly doubt that Carpenter was busy over the last five years indoctrinating kids into the dark magic of Wicken. Then again, the district undoubtedly does reserve the right to dictate who is in the presence of children. Do we really want to be in the business of telling districts, and parents, whose beliefs are acceptable for their children?

This is the quintessential local control issue.

Personally, I could care less what she believes. She's Mz. Crabtree. She can drive my kids bus anytime. Who knows, it might even be good for a few laughs. I don't think I can vote for her husband though. I have an inexplicable attachment to special interests and back-door politicking. Plus, I think The Impaler got ahold of a joke version of the endangered species list. I'm not sure farmer extinction is quite the problem he thinks it is.