The Cabal Decides The Fate Of Noam Fenworthy

The weekend read is brought to you by Dennis the Peasant this week, as the cabal attempts to decide the fate of local hippy Noam Fenworthy.

Fenworthy, who has a penchant for butchering catch-phrases, like referring to McCarthyism as "McCartneyism" and Power to the People as "Fight the Power," has been rotting in jail ever since a fateful night in Westerville that resulted in extensive property damage by an out of control crowd, for which Arnold Schwartzenegger had to be called in to "dart" numerous leftists. If you were not aware of this tragedy, chalk it up to Karl Rove, who was jetted in to clean up the scene.

Noam's wife Treeflower and others, all of whom blame Dennis for Noam's transgressions, demand that Dennis somehow raise the bail. The reasons for that are laid out by Rufus.

“You put Noam in jail,” he said, “And you gotta get him out. He may be a pathetic loser of a hippie, but he’s our pathetic loser of a hippie. And things won’t be right around here until we have out on the street, stoned on Columbian, walking face-first into street lamps. Besides, we can't afford to import a new hippie from California this year. It'd bust the budget.”

As I was saying, Dennis, as President of the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy of Westerville Inc., has called the cabal together to discuess ways to get Noam out of jail.

“But first, let’s bow heads and repeat the Republican’s Prayer...”

With that everyone bowed their head for the traditional Republican Prayer.

“It’s all about Money and Power,” I intoned.

“Amen.” replied the crowd.

“O.K., Let’s get this show on the road,” I said as I brought my gavel down on the table. “I’m informed this meeting has to be over by the time Desperate Housewives comes on, so we don’t have all night.”

The crowd was quiet and attentive, so I continued without pause.

“As you all know, Noam Fernworthy is still in the Westerville City Jail. And while Judge Druthers has reduced his bail to a more reasonable amount of $100,000 cash, what we’ve come to find is that neither Treeflower nor the Commune has the sort of free cash flow necessary to come up with $100,000. So the question is, should the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy of Westerville, Inc. really give two hoots if Noam Fernworthy stays in jail or not?”

You'll have to go to Dennis the Peasant to read the rest.

If you are looking for backgound, check out The Westerville Chronicles. For best results, start at the bottom and work up. It is definately worth it. Catch up on all of Westerville's run-in's with Ward Churchill, Janeane Garafolo, and others. You will thank me later, I promise. Where else but Westerville would Paul Krugman face questions like this:

“Professor,... You once said that the Enron scandal would dwarf the significance of 9/11. Were you sober when you said that? Thank you.”