Tuesday, June 14, 2005

State Quarter Feud May Require U.N. Intervention (updated)

The battle between Minnesota and Colorado over whose quarter is more attractive turned nuclear yesterday when the the vicious liars at the Denver Post published no less than an act of war against the State of Minnesota, via Radioblogger. Here are the highlights:

While Colorado's new quarter design is hardly exhilarating, we should be grateful that it's less atrocious than the design from an inferior state, like, say ... Minnesota...

...If you care for some strange reason, and are distressed about the Colorado humdrum quarter design, check out Minnesota's - it is ghastly.

An embarrassment to their state. To the nation, even...

...I would call for a boycott of Minnesota tourism, but really, that's just silly. The only folks who tour Minnesota come from Canada, and as any rational duck would, they're just passing through.

Radioblogger is looking for a response from a Minnesota newspaper, but notes that the Star Tribune is not up to the task. Apparently he is intimately familiar with the Minneapolis publication. Who would write it? Nick Coleman? With his penchant for self-loathing he would undoubtedly just agree with the Denver Post, apologize, and call for a state tax increase for reparations to the people of Colorado, for our cruel and inhumane quarter assertions, resulting in deeply felt self-esteem issues across that western wasteland.

Let's face it folks. Colorado is simply North Dakota with a lucky geological happenstance. If it weren't for those mountains we probably wouldn't even have fought the indians for it. They don't know squat about hockey, and their idea of a state pastime is wearing shorts and skis at the same time.

Nevertheless, their incredibly generic quarter, with a subliminal naked image of their incredibly generic governor, is leading narrowly in the polls, no doubt helped along by their incredibly generic newspaper. Go to Radioblogger and vote won't you?

Help repair this injustice and restore the Minnesota quarter to it's rightful place above that of Colorado. The hope for a diplomatic solution is eroding rapidly. And seriously, no one wants the U.N involved, do they?

UPDATE: Ten reasons to vote for the Minnesota quarter.

1. Ward Churchill lives in Colorado.

2. Minnesota boasts scotch tape, Wheaties, Bisquick, rollerblades, snowmobiles, and water skis as inventions. Colorado has the cheeseburger.

3. Minnesota has shipping lanes. Colorado is landlocked.

4. Colorado is only state in history to turn down the Olympics.

5. The fed's own over 1/3 of Colorado.

6. 1980 U.S. Olympic hockey team-12 Minnesotans, zero Coloradoans.

7. Minnesota has one boat for every six poeple, and more shoreline than CA, FL., and HI. combined.

8. James Lileks lives in Minnesota.

9. Colorado has the most boring state flag in the union. Minnesota's has a rifle on it.

10. Minnesota actually existed and participated in the civil war. Colorado was but a gleam in some drunk trappers eye.

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