At last check, Bill Clinton was still in search of his elusive legacy. How about this?
A documentary seven years in the making tying Bill Clinton to an Arkansas prison blood scandal that spread AIDS to thousands around the world is set to screen in Hollywood next week – renewing controversy about the long-forgotten story.
The film, which premieres at the prestigious American Film Institute film festival next Tuesday, reportedly uncovers fresh evidence about how thousands in Europe contracted AIDS and hepatitis through tainted blood deliberately shipped even after widespread problems were discovered in Canada where some 10,000 had already been infected.
Not surprisingly, the filmmaker had the usual problems associated with anyone who crosses the Clinton machine.
In the process of making 'Factor 8,' I received strange phone calls, I was followed, my house was broken into, my tires slashed, and sensitive information – including my personal notes – mysteriously appeared on the Internet," recounts Duda. "I also had a gun pointed at the back of my head, there was a murder, and a key inmate informant was whisked out of state and put into isolation."
He says when he went looking for Clinton's governor's papers to find state documents relevant to his investigation, he was told that 4,000 boxes had been hidden away in private storage and could not be found.
Aahh the Clinton's. They are the gift that just keeps on giving. $7 a pint for AIDS tainted blood. The death toll now most likely well above 3,000 innocent people who simply needed a transfusion.
But hey, some british guy used the word "fixed" in a conversation and Valerie Plame is having some difficulties after her passive coup was exposed. Is it any wonder no one is talking about this incredible breach of public trust?
We have far more important scandals to uncover. Ones that involve Republicans.
Monday, October 31, 2005
Friday, October 28, 2005
A Bitter Disappointment for the Left
There can be little doubt that the failure of Fitzgerald to indict Karl Rove comes as a bitter disappointment for anti-Bush forces today. In fact, though Libby is indicted, there is no hint of a crime committed in relaying Valerie Plame's name to anyone. Rather, it is charges stemming from the investigation.
One gets the impression that this investigation has been focused on Libby and not Rove for some time. The Volokh Conspiracy speculates that it is the reason why Fitzgerald needed the testimony of both Cooper and Miller. I suspect that he is probably right.
Tigerhawk has four predictions regarding the future of this case, of which I will highlight one:
...the fact that there is no charge for the underlying offense guts the sanctimonious and largely untrue accusation that the Bush administration undermined national security by outing Valerie Plame. The CIA has managed to do a lot of damage in this bureaucratic fight, but people will soon be asking Cardinalpark's question: why are we not outraged that the CIA was deliberately undermining the policies of an elected president? Langley may ultimately emerge from this case much the worse for wear.
One can only hope.
What was exposed in the Libby-Plame affair was a rogue element within the CIA attempting to undercut an elected administration through the use of lies. If the left weren't so busy salivating over the prospect of a Republican in jail, they would realize how frightening that is.
Thanks to Instapundit for so many great links on this subject.
One gets the impression that this investigation has been focused on Libby and not Rove for some time. The Volokh Conspiracy speculates that it is the reason why Fitzgerald needed the testimony of both Cooper and Miller. I suspect that he is probably right.
Tigerhawk has four predictions regarding the future of this case, of which I will highlight one:
...the fact that there is no charge for the underlying offense guts the sanctimonious and largely untrue accusation that the Bush administration undermined national security by outing Valerie Plame. The CIA has managed to do a lot of damage in this bureaucratic fight, but people will soon be asking Cardinalpark's question: why are we not outraged that the CIA was deliberately undermining the policies of an elected president? Langley may ultimately emerge from this case much the worse for wear.
One can only hope.
What was exposed in the Libby-Plame affair was a rogue element within the CIA attempting to undercut an elected administration through the use of lies. If the left weren't so busy salivating over the prospect of a Republican in jail, they would realize how frightening that is.
Thanks to Instapundit for so many great links on this subject.
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
The Cutting Edge of Evolution
Jonathon Last is one of my favorite writers at the Weekly Standard, and he has written a great piece paralleling events leading up to the fall of Great Britian in the early 1900's and the current climate in the U.S. It is a very interesting read that I hope, after a few tastes, you will be inspired to digest in full.
He acknowledges war fatigue following WWI as a factor in Britian's changing culture, but highlights the intellectual elites descent from pacifism into a truly anti-Britian stance. For instance:
In 1933, the Oxford Union - a debating society and one of the strongholds of liberal elite opinion - held a debate on the resolution "this House will in no circumstances fight for king and country." The resolution passed. Margot Asquith, one of England's leading liberal lights, wrote that same year, quite sincerely: "There is only one way of preserving peace in the world, and getting rid of your enemy, and that is to come to some sort of agreement with him. . . . The greatest enemy of mankind today is hate."
Churchill, never one to mince words, was more than willing to describe what he saw in the Queen's english.
Churchill disdained the new liberalism, mocking one of his opponents as part of "that band of degenerate international intellectuals who regard the greatness of Britain and the stability and prosperity of the British Empire as a fatal obstacle. . . . "
Sound familiar? There are myriad examples of the mentality Churchill describes in today's America, but they all boil down to the idea that the world would be a much better place without America the Terrorist running around.
Last goes on to show that, to most of the European liberal elite, there was far more fear for an over-reaching England, who was accused of selling war fever, than there was for Nazi Germany. Somewhat amusingly, Churchill's election to prime minister was feared to bring an end to general elections. A dictatorship, if you can imagine a political party making such an outlandinsh accusation.
Last concludes the article by pointing to some issues and personalities of today's America. Resistence to the Bolton nomination and the antics of Dick Durbin, to name a couple.
Aside from the obvious implications for the future of our own society, what I found interesting about the article is to what little degree the left of England in the early 20th century and that of today's America differ. That is to say, they don't...really.
One of the things that makes us exceptional as human beings is the potential to learn from our mistakes. To evolve. In that than, I guess one could say that the modern American conservative is the beauty of man in flux.
The cutting edge of evolution.
Oh ya.
He acknowledges war fatigue following WWI as a factor in Britian's changing culture, but highlights the intellectual elites descent from pacifism into a truly anti-Britian stance. For instance:
In 1933, the Oxford Union - a debating society and one of the strongholds of liberal elite opinion - held a debate on the resolution "this House will in no circumstances fight for king and country." The resolution passed. Margot Asquith, one of England's leading liberal lights, wrote that same year, quite sincerely: "There is only one way of preserving peace in the world, and getting rid of your enemy, and that is to come to some sort of agreement with him. . . . The greatest enemy of mankind today is hate."
Churchill, never one to mince words, was more than willing to describe what he saw in the Queen's english.
Churchill disdained the new liberalism, mocking one of his opponents as part of "that band of degenerate international intellectuals who regard the greatness of Britain and the stability and prosperity of the British Empire as a fatal obstacle. . . . "
Sound familiar? There are myriad examples of the mentality Churchill describes in today's America, but they all boil down to the idea that the world would be a much better place without America the Terrorist running around.
Last goes on to show that, to most of the European liberal elite, there was far more fear for an over-reaching England, who was accused of selling war fever, than there was for Nazi Germany. Somewhat amusingly, Churchill's election to prime minister was feared to bring an end to general elections. A dictatorship, if you can imagine a political party making such an outlandinsh accusation.
Last concludes the article by pointing to some issues and personalities of today's America. Resistence to the Bolton nomination and the antics of Dick Durbin, to name a couple.
Aside from the obvious implications for the future of our own society, what I found interesting about the article is to what little degree the left of England in the early 20th century and that of today's America differ. That is to say, they don't...really.
One of the things that makes us exceptional as human beings is the potential to learn from our mistakes. To evolve. In that than, I guess one could say that the modern American conservative is the beauty of man in flux.
The cutting edge of evolution.
Oh ya.
Monday, October 24, 2005
Me and the Japanese Mafia
This weeks column, as it will appear:
My parents are trapped somewhere outside of Cancun right now, and I blame the Japanese mafia. Scott Stevens has given me that power.
Stevens is a weatherman in Idaho, though he recently quit his job so he could focus on his burgeoning hurricane theory full-time.
Perhaps conspiracy theory would be a more apt description, and his is the latest in a string of theories to come across our path.
We have all heard the more well known theories. They range from calling the hurricanes the direct result of man’s careless handling of the planet, i.e. global warming, to the theory that they are a direct result of man’s estranged relationship with God.
I’m not sure I am on board with either, to be frank. I can’t shake the feeling that sometimes, randomly and for no discernible reason whatsoever, things happen. Furthermore, I generally translate man’s need to explain every natural disaster by putting the blame back on man as a little arrogant.
In order to be at fault for everything, one first must be in control of everything. In other words, blaming ourselves for natural disasters is akin to ascribing God-like powers to ourselves.
Nevertheless, if there is anything recent tragedies have demonstrated in no uncertain terms, finding someone to blame is the Most Important Thing. So, when my parents failed to heed warnings of an impending hurricane and headed for Cancun; and when they failed to act quickly to secure a flight out before airports closed, I just knew there was someone, other than my parents, that needed to be held accountable. But who?
Bush?
Too predictable...and tired.
FEMA?
Wrong country.
The Mexican government?
This one sounded good, until I tried to verify that Mexico does indeed have a government.
By default then, I concluded that the weatherman must be right.
According to Stevens theory, the Yazuka’s have access to weather super-weapons based on the designs of Nikola Tesla. Stevens further claims that these weapons have existed in both the former Soviet Union and on American soil for some time. What we are actually witnessing then, is a full-scale war for control of the planet and its resources.
As the theory goes, these latest hurricanes were unleashed by Japanese gangsters in retribution for Hiroshima and Nagasaki, which is a theory I could typically get behind, except for one thing.
My history may be fuzzy, but I don’t recall Mexico having much to do with dropping atomic payloads on Japan in the 1940’s.
And, just like that, I am back to square one on the drawing board of blame. After all, who is going to believe that the Japanese mafia is too inept to actually hit the U.S. with its retribution hurricanes?
Nobody. That’s who.
This leaves me in the unenviable position of having to actually blame my parents for their misfortune when they get home next week.
Yikes.
Maybe it would be better to just pin it on Bush after all. That’s what everybody else does.
My parents are trapped somewhere outside of Cancun right now, and I blame the Japanese mafia. Scott Stevens has given me that power.
Stevens is a weatherman in Idaho, though he recently quit his job so he could focus on his burgeoning hurricane theory full-time.
Perhaps conspiracy theory would be a more apt description, and his is the latest in a string of theories to come across our path.
We have all heard the more well known theories. They range from calling the hurricanes the direct result of man’s careless handling of the planet, i.e. global warming, to the theory that they are a direct result of man’s estranged relationship with God.
I’m not sure I am on board with either, to be frank. I can’t shake the feeling that sometimes, randomly and for no discernible reason whatsoever, things happen. Furthermore, I generally translate man’s need to explain every natural disaster by putting the blame back on man as a little arrogant.
In order to be at fault for everything, one first must be in control of everything. In other words, blaming ourselves for natural disasters is akin to ascribing God-like powers to ourselves.
Nevertheless, if there is anything recent tragedies have demonstrated in no uncertain terms, finding someone to blame is the Most Important Thing. So, when my parents failed to heed warnings of an impending hurricane and headed for Cancun; and when they failed to act quickly to secure a flight out before airports closed, I just knew there was someone, other than my parents, that needed to be held accountable. But who?
Bush?
Too predictable...and tired.
FEMA?
Wrong country.
The Mexican government?
This one sounded good, until I tried to verify that Mexico does indeed have a government.
By default then, I concluded that the weatherman must be right.
According to Stevens theory, the Yazuka’s have access to weather super-weapons based on the designs of Nikola Tesla. Stevens further claims that these weapons have existed in both the former Soviet Union and on American soil for some time. What we are actually witnessing then, is a full-scale war for control of the planet and its resources.
As the theory goes, these latest hurricanes were unleashed by Japanese gangsters in retribution for Hiroshima and Nagasaki, which is a theory I could typically get behind, except for one thing.
My history may be fuzzy, but I don’t recall Mexico having much to do with dropping atomic payloads on Japan in the 1940’s.
And, just like that, I am back to square one on the drawing board of blame. After all, who is going to believe that the Japanese mafia is too inept to actually hit the U.S. with its retribution hurricanes?
Nobody. That’s who.
This leaves me in the unenviable position of having to actually blame my parents for their misfortune when they get home next week.
Yikes.
Maybe it would be better to just pin it on Bush after all. That’s what everybody else does.
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
Look Out Freedom, Here Comes the Liberals
As discussed in the post directly below this one, it is becoming apparant that the left is more than willing to sacrifice deeply held principles in order to fry a few Republicans. Ignoring seemingly obvious prosecutorial abuse in the DeLay matter and, according to the left-leaning Slate Magazine, virtually destroying the precepts of freedom of information and civil liberties in pursuit of Karl Rove.
Hold the schadenfreude, blue-staters. Rooting for Rove's indictment in this case isn't just unseemly, it's unthinking and ultimately self-destructive. Anyone who cares about civil liberties, freedom of information, or even just fair play should have been skeptical about Fitzgerald's investigation from the start. Claiming a few conservative scalps might be satisfying, but they'll come at a cost to principles liberals hold dear: the press's right to find out, the government's ability to disclose, and the public's right to know.
Before the rare-visiting leftist scoffs at such an idea, while salivating at the irony of taking down Rove, let Weisberg explain the toll that Rove-Plame is already taking in the media.
Already, Fitzgerald's investigation has proved a disaster for freedom of the press and freedom of information. Reporters, editors, and publishers have been put on notice about the legal risk of using blind sources, which most consider an essential tool of news-gathering. Any ambiguity about a press privilege under federal law has been resolved, not in favor of the media. According to some anecdotal accounts, journalists' failure to fully protect their sources in the Plame case has already chilled official leaks to reporters. Should Fitzgerald win convictions under the espionage law or Section 641, any conversations between officials and journalists touching on classified information could come become prosecutable offenses. That would turn the current chill into permafrost.
Weisberg makes a strong case that Rove-Plame is nonsense at its core, a fabrication of an investigation created by the NYT without any regard for the long reaching consequences.
The zeal with which the liberals are going after both DeLay and Rove, with little or no thought to the precedents they set, are disturbing to say the least. It would appear that nothing is sacred when the opportunity to fry a couple of Republicans rears its head.
Hold the schadenfreude, blue-staters. Rooting for Rove's indictment in this case isn't just unseemly, it's unthinking and ultimately self-destructive. Anyone who cares about civil liberties, freedom of information, or even just fair play should have been skeptical about Fitzgerald's investigation from the start. Claiming a few conservative scalps might be satisfying, but they'll come at a cost to principles liberals hold dear: the press's right to find out, the government's ability to disclose, and the public's right to know.
Before the rare-visiting leftist scoffs at such an idea, while salivating at the irony of taking down Rove, let Weisberg explain the toll that Rove-Plame is already taking in the media.
Already, Fitzgerald's investigation has proved a disaster for freedom of the press and freedom of information. Reporters, editors, and publishers have been put on notice about the legal risk of using blind sources, which most consider an essential tool of news-gathering. Any ambiguity about a press privilege under federal law has been resolved, not in favor of the media. According to some anecdotal accounts, journalists' failure to fully protect their sources in the Plame case has already chilled official leaks to reporters. Should Fitzgerald win convictions under the espionage law or Section 641, any conversations between officials and journalists touching on classified information could come become prosecutable offenses. That would turn the current chill into permafrost.
Weisberg makes a strong case that Rove-Plame is nonsense at its core, a fabrication of an investigation created by the NYT without any regard for the long reaching consequences.
The zeal with which the liberals are going after both DeLay and Rove, with little or no thought to the precedents they set, are disturbing to say the least. It would appear that nothing is sacred when the opportunity to fry a couple of Republicans rears its head.
Monday, October 17, 2005
What's Going on in Texas?
I don't weigh in often on the Tom DeLay case. Frankly, election law is so convoluted and complicated it is hard to know where to start. But, as this case has unfolded there has been some disturbing and confusing elements to it, raising red flags.
First there was the jury shopping, and the revelation that two out of three grand juries don't find grounds for indictment. It's almost as if the final grand jury was entirely comprised of the proverbial "fifth dentist."
Earlier this week, it was revealed that prosecutor Ronnie Earle's key piece of evidence, a list of Texas Republicans complete with dollar amounts next to their names, is a fabrication. Always was a fabrication. Never shown to the grand jury.
This sounds suspiciously like the Mary Mapes/Dan Rather school of investigation. The documents don't exist, but the information they contain is probably accurate.
Power Line today has the motions filed by DeLay's attorney, Dick DeGeurin, for dismissal of both the first and second counts of the indictment against DeLay.
Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Page 4
They are worth a read.
Judging by the contents, it becomes even more difficult to determine that a crime was actually committed. Earle has accused DeLay of breaking laws that weren't even on the books at the time of the "violation." In many cases, it appears that Earle has failed to articulate even how those laws may have been broken. He also fails to produce a key piece of evidence and even admits to never possessing said evidence. Finally, he has taken DeLay's "election violations" and improperly filed them as penal code violations. This last, an attempt to move the trial, seems especially suspect were a prosecutor to have a strong case.
I was perfectly willing to let DeLay out with the bathwater if indeed he had committed election fraud and the crime of money laundering. As more light is shed on the the case though, that outcome looks less and less possible.
Perhaps that is why DeGeurin has sent this letter to Earle.
Page 1, Page 2
In its rush to pronounce DeLay guilty, the left seems oblivious to the dangers of over-zealous prosecutors, jury shopping, and the intergrity and weight of evidence. While they are certain a crime has been committed, they are unable to articulate what actions are crimes and even how those actions are criminal.
This last should come as no surprise. Earle himself seems incapable of articulating exactly what Delay is indicted for, even in the context of the indictments themselves.
If DeLay is found guilty, the left will have removed a powerful Republican figure from the public eye. If these charges are dropped however, or DeLay is found innocent, they will look like a bunch of McCarthy-ites salivating to take down enemies at any cost.
Given the vacuum that the Democratic Party has become, and the seemingly flimsy nature of this case, one might think they would have given that some thought. If indeed DeLay walks away from this unscathed, Democrats will be left holding little but the shreds of their own reputations, spent on the savagery of DeLay's character.
Of course, for the left, character assassination has long since been not an unsavory byproduct, but an end-game in itself. It is rationalized as a necessary tactic against evil people. If DeLay is a racist, homophobe, liar who dines on the blood of American children, than of what consequence is it to attack his character?
I don't know if DeLay is guilty or not. Then again, I haven't painted myself into a corner on the question. But the Democratic Party sure has.
They better hope they are right.
First there was the jury shopping, and the revelation that two out of three grand juries don't find grounds for indictment. It's almost as if the final grand jury was entirely comprised of the proverbial "fifth dentist."
Earlier this week, it was revealed that prosecutor Ronnie Earle's key piece of evidence, a list of Texas Republicans complete with dollar amounts next to their names, is a fabrication. Always was a fabrication. Never shown to the grand jury.
This sounds suspiciously like the Mary Mapes/Dan Rather school of investigation. The documents don't exist, but the information they contain is probably accurate.
Power Line today has the motions filed by DeLay's attorney, Dick DeGeurin, for dismissal of both the first and second counts of the indictment against DeLay.
Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Page 4
They are worth a read.
Judging by the contents, it becomes even more difficult to determine that a crime was actually committed. Earle has accused DeLay of breaking laws that weren't even on the books at the time of the "violation." In many cases, it appears that Earle has failed to articulate even how those laws may have been broken. He also fails to produce a key piece of evidence and even admits to never possessing said evidence. Finally, he has taken DeLay's "election violations" and improperly filed them as penal code violations. This last, an attempt to move the trial, seems especially suspect were a prosecutor to have a strong case.
I was perfectly willing to let DeLay out with the bathwater if indeed he had committed election fraud and the crime of money laundering. As more light is shed on the the case though, that outcome looks less and less possible.
Perhaps that is why DeGeurin has sent this letter to Earle.
Page 1, Page 2
In its rush to pronounce DeLay guilty, the left seems oblivious to the dangers of over-zealous prosecutors, jury shopping, and the intergrity and weight of evidence. While they are certain a crime has been committed, they are unable to articulate what actions are crimes and even how those actions are criminal.
This last should come as no surprise. Earle himself seems incapable of articulating exactly what Delay is indicted for, even in the context of the indictments themselves.
If DeLay is found guilty, the left will have removed a powerful Republican figure from the public eye. If these charges are dropped however, or DeLay is found innocent, they will look like a bunch of McCarthy-ites salivating to take down enemies at any cost.
Given the vacuum that the Democratic Party has become, and the seemingly flimsy nature of this case, one might think they would have given that some thought. If indeed DeLay walks away from this unscathed, Democrats will be left holding little but the shreds of their own reputations, spent on the savagery of DeLay's character.
Of course, for the left, character assassination has long since been not an unsavory byproduct, but an end-game in itself. It is rationalized as a necessary tactic against evil people. If DeLay is a racist, homophobe, liar who dines on the blood of American children, than of what consequence is it to attack his character?
I don't know if DeLay is guilty or not. Then again, I haven't painted myself into a corner on the question. But the Democratic Party sure has.
They better hope they are right.
Saturday, October 15, 2005
Awaiting the Result
Just a quick attaboy and good luck to the good people of Iraq today, as we await the results of their second opportunity to vote on their future.
"Today, I came to vote because I am tired of terrorists, and I want the country to be safe again," said Zeinab Sahib, a 30-year-old mother of three, one of the first voters at a school in Baghdad's mainly Shiite neighborhood of Karrada. "This constitution means unity and hope."
Quotes like the one above give me hope that it will be approved and reminds us who exactly is winning this war, despite the best efforts of the left.
"Today, I came to vote because I am tired of terrorists, and I want the country to be safe again," said Zeinab Sahib, a 30-year-old mother of three, one of the first voters at a school in Baghdad's mainly Shiite neighborhood of Karrada. "This constitution means unity and hope."
Quotes like the one above give me hope that it will be approved and reminds us who exactly is winning this war, despite the best efforts of the left.
Friday, October 14, 2005
'Atta-boy Zarkman
I know we just posted on this last week, but the Zarkman has been unusually busy recently, sending a more than the average amount of updates to Iowahawk. Yesterday he checked in to discuss his reaction to the memo he received from al-Zawahiri, which we all know now was just a plant from Chimpy McHitlerburton.
Anyway, I’m in the middle of Xeroxing some ammonia nitrate receipts Friday morning, thinking about what I needed to pack for the weekend family trip to Damascus, when I get another memo:
From: A. al-Zawahiri
To: All Associates
Subject: Mandatory Weekend Retreat
Oh fucking terrific. I popped my head up over my cubicle to see if Khalid had read it yet, and he just sorta looks up at me and rolls his one good eye.
Anyway, I call the wives on my cell and tell them to cancel the room reservations, and you can just imagine how big that shit went over. “You know the kids were really looking forward to the rides at Assadland,” “it’d be nice if you could occassionally be home to read them a bedtime surah,” “you know that roof is not going to thatch itself,” blah blah fucking blah.
A long story short, Zarkman's weekend retreat turned out to be the latest in cutting-edge corporate philosopy that employees of Wal-Mart and Target will recognize instantly. And, although poor Abu did not find the retreat nearly as exciting as killing children in Allah's name, he did enjoy watching the support he is receiving from the American media.
I guess the high point of the day is when the PR department showed some of our network media coverage from Satanland. That was hella cool, but then they had to follow it with fan mail from the some of the infidel websites, which was a complete buzz kill. Come on, man. Hitler had his Mussolini. The ‘Cong had their Khmer Rouge. Us? We get Michael Moore and a clown car of dipshits from Kos and DU.
Nobody really said anything, but at this point I think everybody was kind of depressed. If anything, the mood got even worse at the “Reward and Recognition Dinner” that night. Due to budget cuts, they didn’t even have gift cards this year – just some cheesy ‘I (Heart) Jihad’ coffee cups and Successories posters.
I have traditionally been an underdog kind of guy, typically rooting for the team with the lowest chance of success. With the thickness of the deck stacked against him, one can't help but feel just a bit sorry for the Zarkman. If they continue sending him teenagers with stumpy limbs, forcing him to stack cups with underlings, and honoring his efforts with cheesy coffe mugs, I will have no choice to start rooting for him.
Anyway, I’m in the middle of Xeroxing some ammonia nitrate receipts Friday morning, thinking about what I needed to pack for the weekend family trip to Damascus, when I get another memo:
From: A. al-Zawahiri
To: All Associates
Subject: Mandatory Weekend Retreat
Oh fucking terrific. I popped my head up over my cubicle to see if Khalid had read it yet, and he just sorta looks up at me and rolls his one good eye.
Anyway, I call the wives on my cell and tell them to cancel the room reservations, and you can just imagine how big that shit went over. “You know the kids were really looking forward to the rides at Assadland,” “it’d be nice if you could occassionally be home to read them a bedtime surah,” “you know that roof is not going to thatch itself,” blah blah fucking blah.
A long story short, Zarkman's weekend retreat turned out to be the latest in cutting-edge corporate philosopy that employees of Wal-Mart and Target will recognize instantly. And, although poor Abu did not find the retreat nearly as exciting as killing children in Allah's name, he did enjoy watching the support he is receiving from the American media.
I guess the high point of the day is when the PR department showed some of our network media coverage from Satanland. That was hella cool, but then they had to follow it with fan mail from the some of the infidel websites, which was a complete buzz kill. Come on, man. Hitler had his Mussolini. The ‘Cong had their Khmer Rouge. Us? We get Michael Moore and a clown car of dipshits from Kos and DU.
Nobody really said anything, but at this point I think everybody was kind of depressed. If anything, the mood got even worse at the “Reward and Recognition Dinner” that night. Due to budget cuts, they didn’t even have gift cards this year – just some cheesy ‘I (Heart) Jihad’ coffee cups and Successories posters.
I have traditionally been an underdog kind of guy, typically rooting for the team with the lowest chance of success. With the thickness of the deck stacked against him, one can't help but feel just a bit sorry for the Zarkman. If they continue sending him teenagers with stumpy limbs, forcing him to stack cups with underlings, and honoring his efforts with cheesy coffe mugs, I will have no choice to start rooting for him.
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
Recognizing the signs of Imminent Future Idiocy
Editors note: I thought it might be fun to post my weekly newspaper columns in this space. The columns will be non-political for the time being, but than again, it might just do us some good. This week's installment was inspired by the recent flashflood in our coverage area.
Torrential rain creates a host of problems, be it mopping the basement, finding a dry gridiron, or cleaning up an entire city. In the eyes of a 12-year-old boy, however, it creates a perfect storm of opportunity. Suddenly there are lakes and rivers in place of fields and streets. For most boys, this is an invitation to greatness.
Having done many stupid things, I am versed in the early signs of the disorder Imminent Future Idiocy (IFI). As a public service I thought I'd share some, to help parents recognize them in their own children, before it is too late.
For instance: Though only 40 degrees outside, little Johnny appears in the family room wearing a swimsuit. When asked why, he shrugs and says "I dunno." Whatever IFI he has planned, it will likely land him in the hospital with an unpronounceable flu or other rare bug. Like ecoli. Parents should be wary.
Perhaps you find Jimmy preparing to depart on his two-wheeler outfitted with hip-waders, rope, and ski goggles. Whatever IFI he has up his sleeve, a happy ending is doubtful.
Maybe a street floods and you shortly thereafter discover Davey lashing plywood to inner-tubes, about to steal the paddles from the family canoe. Assume the worst and do not, under any circumstances, provide him a bag lunch. In fact, Davey may be experiencing the Huckleberry Finn Response (HFR), which can lead to delusions of treasure and spontaneous, irreversible, southern accents. It is very serious, approach with caution.
Finally, if you discover young Timmy with your boogie-board, wearing a hockey helmet and fashioning a jousting lance from a broom handle, thouest be warneth. This is textbook IFI.
Of course, recognizing IFI is but a first step. Handling it properly still remains. Though incurable, some simple procedures can insure the disorder is identified and its affects minimized.
Parents should have various ways to ask "What are you up to?" as it may take multiple versions to fool the child into an answer. Do not be placated by the old stand-by, "I dunno." It is a ruse.
Be warned! Knowing his IFI plan will produce an irresistible urge to ask "why?" Resist that urge for your own sake. Though you may escape with another "I dunno," the far greater fear is that he will answer the question. Do you really want to see through that window?
Once particulars have been established, a mental survey of the possibilities is in order. However, if the probable result falls short of a ruptured spleen or broken femur, my advice is to step back and let IFI run it's course. In fact, why not grab the video camera? Hollywood pays good money for credible documentary footage of IFI.
What is only weather to us is so much more to a boy. It is an event, forever to be brought up nostalgically with old mates. Tales of shared IFI bind boys as they transition into men. They are the songs of a well-spent youth. They can even become precious family heirlooms.
Someday, someone he hasn't seen in years will walk up to little Jimmy, now James, and say, "Remember that time, when we got all that rain, and we went waterskiing down Main St. behind your mini-bike, wearing flippers and welding gloves?"
Think of the gift you will have bestowed upon Jimmy when he is able to respond, "Ya man, how could I ever forget?"
Torrential rain creates a host of problems, be it mopping the basement, finding a dry gridiron, or cleaning up an entire city. In the eyes of a 12-year-old boy, however, it creates a perfect storm of opportunity. Suddenly there are lakes and rivers in place of fields and streets. For most boys, this is an invitation to greatness.
Having done many stupid things, I am versed in the early signs of the disorder Imminent Future Idiocy (IFI). As a public service I thought I'd share some, to help parents recognize them in their own children, before it is too late.
For instance: Though only 40 degrees outside, little Johnny appears in the family room wearing a swimsuit. When asked why, he shrugs and says "I dunno." Whatever IFI he has planned, it will likely land him in the hospital with an unpronounceable flu or other rare bug. Like ecoli. Parents should be wary.
Perhaps you find Jimmy preparing to depart on his two-wheeler outfitted with hip-waders, rope, and ski goggles. Whatever IFI he has up his sleeve, a happy ending is doubtful.
Maybe a street floods and you shortly thereafter discover Davey lashing plywood to inner-tubes, about to steal the paddles from the family canoe. Assume the worst and do not, under any circumstances, provide him a bag lunch. In fact, Davey may be experiencing the Huckleberry Finn Response (HFR), which can lead to delusions of treasure and spontaneous, irreversible, southern accents. It is very serious, approach with caution.
Finally, if you discover young Timmy with your boogie-board, wearing a hockey helmet and fashioning a jousting lance from a broom handle, thouest be warneth. This is textbook IFI.
Of course, recognizing IFI is but a first step. Handling it properly still remains. Though incurable, some simple procedures can insure the disorder is identified and its affects minimized.
Parents should have various ways to ask "What are you up to?" as it may take multiple versions to fool the child into an answer. Do not be placated by the old stand-by, "I dunno." It is a ruse.
Be warned! Knowing his IFI plan will produce an irresistible urge to ask "why?" Resist that urge for your own sake. Though you may escape with another "I dunno," the far greater fear is that he will answer the question. Do you really want to see through that window?
Once particulars have been established, a mental survey of the possibilities is in order. However, if the probable result falls short of a ruptured spleen or broken femur, my advice is to step back and let IFI run it's course. In fact, why not grab the video camera? Hollywood pays good money for credible documentary footage of IFI.
What is only weather to us is so much more to a boy. It is an event, forever to be brought up nostalgically with old mates. Tales of shared IFI bind boys as they transition into men. They are the songs of a well-spent youth. They can even become precious family heirlooms.
Someday, someone he hasn't seen in years will walk up to little Jimmy, now James, and say, "Remember that time, when we got all that rain, and we went waterskiing down Main St. behind your mini-bike, wearing flippers and welding gloves?"
Think of the gift you will have bestowed upon Jimmy when he is able to respond, "Ya man, how could I ever forget?"
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
Finally, a Chance to Just Sit
I hope readers will pardon my absence from the blogosphere over the last week or so. Forces have conspired to keep me from this labor of love. Take tonight for instance.
I was all prepared to enjoy a long night of blogging when daughter #1 spiked a high fever. Naturally we were told she needed to be seen right away and off we went to urgent care. From the moment it was decided that we must go, I was telling myself that we were going there for nothing. That we would sit there for untold hours only to be told exactly what I was predicting all along. It's just a virus, it will run it's course.
Four hours, a urine sample, a throat swab, a blood test, and a chest x-ray later, the enterprising doctor enlightens us with the news that we were probably looking at a virus. It will run it's course. Oh...but here's some antibiotics.
I'm still not sure if the antibiotics are a "just in case" it's bacterial, or simply a way to make us feel as if we hadn't just thrown four hours of our lives down the toilet.
Anyway, here I sit now, and what would a blog entry be without links?
The missus sent me a website for the 2005 UCSB Disorientation Guide, which teaches students how to be as radical as they can be. Why? Clearly because college campuses are not radical enough.
You will certainly enjoy the list of 13 reasons to be radical, with all the obligatory links to Robert Fisk, waging peace, and Noam Chomsky.
Then again, there must be some reason this radicalism isn't catching on. Tom sent me this story, which may explain the lack of enthusiasm. It's a story worth reading, even if I steal the final paragraph as a teaser.
The long-run prospects for the world are amazing. Today we have more people living longer lives in freer societies and we have more scientists alive than lived in all previous periods combined, and they all get an education that is almost as long as a lifetime in earlier periods. Biotechnology, nanotechnology and robotics will create vast improvements. We will be richer, we will live longer and we will be healthier. Continents that we thought were doomed to misery will soon have the living standards we have today.
I was all prepared to enjoy a long night of blogging when daughter #1 spiked a high fever. Naturally we were told she needed to be seen right away and off we went to urgent care. From the moment it was decided that we must go, I was telling myself that we were going there for nothing. That we would sit there for untold hours only to be told exactly what I was predicting all along. It's just a virus, it will run it's course.
Four hours, a urine sample, a throat swab, a blood test, and a chest x-ray later, the enterprising doctor enlightens us with the news that we were probably looking at a virus. It will run it's course. Oh...but here's some antibiotics.
I'm still not sure if the antibiotics are a "just in case" it's bacterial, or simply a way to make us feel as if we hadn't just thrown four hours of our lives down the toilet.
Anyway, here I sit now, and what would a blog entry be without links?
The missus sent me a website for the 2005 UCSB Disorientation Guide, which teaches students how to be as radical as they can be. Why? Clearly because college campuses are not radical enough.
You will certainly enjoy the list of 13 reasons to be radical, with all the obligatory links to Robert Fisk, waging peace, and Noam Chomsky.
Then again, there must be some reason this radicalism isn't catching on. Tom sent me this story, which may explain the lack of enthusiasm. It's a story worth reading, even if I steal the final paragraph as a teaser.
The long-run prospects for the world are amazing. Today we have more people living longer lives in freer societies and we have more scientists alive than lived in all previous periods combined, and they all get an education that is almost as long as a lifetime in earlier periods. Biotechnology, nanotechnology and robotics will create vast improvements. We will be richer, we will live longer and we will be healthier. Continents that we thought were doomed to misery will soon have the living standards we have today.
Thursday, October 06, 2005
Al-Zarqawi Checks In
Apparantly I wasn't the only one glued to C-Span a couple of weeks ago when the tools of evil (that's tool as in--"what a tool," as opposed to the word used to describe a useful device created by man to ease difficult tasks) descended on Washington D.C. for their body odor conference.
Al-Zarqawi and the boys had heard their was to be a massive "insurgent offensive" in the U.S., and tuned in to watch the carnage. Al-Zarqawi himself describes the disappointment experienced by himself and his hail-fellows-well-met.
Have you every been at Friday prayers when somebody just totally rips a gigantic falafel gasbomb while the Imam is cursing the crusaders and Jews? That's what it was like around the TV -- total dead silence. And with every shot of another placard-waving elderly hippie moron, every pachouli drum circle, possibly even more silence. Then, when the speakers started up, so did the uncomfortable buzz.
"Where are their weapons, effendi?"
"Well, ya see, um, they are using their um, voices as weapons, um, against empire and occupation, and..."
"It seems they will need much training for the street battles, effendi. Many are appear weak or fat or old."
"Well, see, er, they are basically offering more of a, uh, moral support, and..."
"Will they be conducting martrydom operations soon?"
"Okay, well, not exactly, but..."
"But... are these what the virgins in paradise will look like, effendi?"
Shit. I don't think I'll ever forget the look of horror in that poor Jordanian kid's eyes when the camera panned across that fugly forest of hairy vegan Heathers and uberbutch Andrea Dworkin manatees. And can you blame the poor trembling kid? Holy fargin' Prophet, sometimes I swear the only thing that keeps me motivated is knowing that a restored Caliphate means these hippie bowsers are gonna have their mugs and their bankles safely shielded under a burqqa.
By then the damage was done. I must have spent fifteen minutes trying to calm the boys down, promising them that Paradise is not gonna be a menage-a-72 with a bunch of Unitarian NPR grannies. Luckily, the camera panned to some guy in who was wearing a dynamite belt, which kinda cheered them up momentarily. At that point I didn't have the heart to tell them it was probably fake.
If one reads the entire letter, sent by Al-Zarqawi to Iowahawk, they will note that he is pretty disheartened by the quality of insurgents he has been getting lately. With any luck, evidence of the quality of our insurgency was enough to cheer him up.
Al-Zarqawi and the boys had heard their was to be a massive "insurgent offensive" in the U.S., and tuned in to watch the carnage. Al-Zarqawi himself describes the disappointment experienced by himself and his hail-fellows-well-met.
Have you every been at Friday prayers when somebody just totally rips a gigantic falafel gasbomb while the Imam is cursing the crusaders and Jews? That's what it was like around the TV -- total dead silence. And with every shot of another placard-waving elderly hippie moron, every pachouli drum circle, possibly even more silence. Then, when the speakers started up, so did the uncomfortable buzz.
"Where are their weapons, effendi?"
"Well, ya see, um, they are using their um, voices as weapons, um, against empire and occupation, and..."
"It seems they will need much training for the street battles, effendi. Many are appear weak or fat or old."
"Well, see, er, they are basically offering more of a, uh, moral support, and..."
"Will they be conducting martrydom operations soon?"
"Okay, well, not exactly, but..."
"But... are these what the virgins in paradise will look like, effendi?"
Shit. I don't think I'll ever forget the look of horror in that poor Jordanian kid's eyes when the camera panned across that fugly forest of hairy vegan Heathers and uberbutch Andrea Dworkin manatees. And can you blame the poor trembling kid? Holy fargin' Prophet, sometimes I swear the only thing that keeps me motivated is knowing that a restored Caliphate means these hippie bowsers are gonna have their mugs and their bankles safely shielded under a burqqa.
By then the damage was done. I must have spent fifteen minutes trying to calm the boys down, promising them that Paradise is not gonna be a menage-a-72 with a bunch of Unitarian NPR grannies. Luckily, the camera panned to some guy in who was wearing a dynamite belt, which kinda cheered them up momentarily. At that point I didn't have the heart to tell them it was probably fake.
If one reads the entire letter, sent by Al-Zarqawi to Iowahawk, they will note that he is pretty disheartened by the quality of insurgents he has been getting lately. With any luck, evidence of the quality of our insurgency was enough to cheer him up.
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
A Point of Note
I put my first edition with the new paper to bed today and it was pretty exciting to be doing so with the latest technology and software, instead of with scalpels and wax. I found that I could get around the design software pretty well with a little trial and error.
I've been thinking about something all week. Although I would not have even been granted an interview without the reporting and photography skills I have managed to pick over the last few years, it wasn't what landed me the job. Rather, it was something a bit more fantastic.
I was told during the interview that the company was seeking an individual with web experience; one that could step in and manage the paper's website. I informed them that I was very familiar with working inside of templates, knew how websites should look, and had actually been publishing to the web for some time.
When I was offered the job I was told that my experience in that area was key to their decision.
Imagine. For the last year I have done little but coach soccer and gorge my obsession with the blogosphere. You, fair reader, can probably envision the endless hours deep in the template learning HTML, and the day-to-day nurturing that a blog requires. It is a labor of love that has captured my attention like few things have.
Over that year, the punchline in this house has always been how nice life would be if blogging paid; if there was some way to translate that labor and time into a paycheck.
By George, I think it just did.
Funny, I had never thought of it as a skill.
I've been thinking about something all week. Although I would not have even been granted an interview without the reporting and photography skills I have managed to pick over the last few years, it wasn't what landed me the job. Rather, it was something a bit more fantastic.
I was told during the interview that the company was seeking an individual with web experience; one that could step in and manage the paper's website. I informed them that I was very familiar with working inside of templates, knew how websites should look, and had actually been publishing to the web for some time.
When I was offered the job I was told that my experience in that area was key to their decision.
Imagine. For the last year I have done little but coach soccer and gorge my obsession with the blogosphere. You, fair reader, can probably envision the endless hours deep in the template learning HTML, and the day-to-day nurturing that a blog requires. It is a labor of love that has captured my attention like few things have.
Over that year, the punchline in this house has always been how nice life would be if blogging paid; if there was some way to translate that labor and time into a paycheck.
By George, I think it just did.
Funny, I had never thought of it as a skill.
Saturday, October 01, 2005
Let the Streets Run With the Blood of the Republican
Courtesy of The Recovering Democrat, it looks like the kids at Kos are starting to dissemble. Scary...seriously.
It’s become more and more apparent to me over the past five years that all the activism and non-violent protesting in the world will do precisely squat. When you’re dealing with evil people who have no shame, the old rules of the game don’t and, indeed, can’t apply if you have any hope for success. Hundreds of thousands of people have marched, millions of letters have been written, tens of millions of votes cast, and hundreds of trillions of electrons expended pontificating on blogs...for nothing. Nothing has changed. Nothing will change. Not unless it comes in the form of something akin to the French Revolution.
We need terror. We need horror. We need the streets running awash in rivers of blood of these thugs and criminals and zealots. Activism didn’t prevent 60,000 deaths in Vietnam. All the activism of the Civil Rights era has gotten African Americans precisely nowhere. Segregation may not be the law of the land anymore, but it’s still the de facto state of America.
When y’all want to start throwing molotovs and sniping from windows come and talk to me. Until then, I will be content to retire, be a hermit, and laugh at everyone. Even then, I may still just feel like laughing as the world falls apart around me, but at least I’ll be willing to listen.
My mental state is collapsing and deteriorating almost daily. It’s so consistent you could practically graph it. My life is falling apart at an equally alarming rate, and yet I feel like doing nothing to salvage it. I feel like I’m standing at the bottom of one of the WTC towers, watching it come down on me, floor by floor, knowing I’ll be blown to atoms, yet unable to move.
Personally I would actually welcome what Raybin is advocating. Perhaps then we could stop pretending that the far left is a legitimate political option in this country. In the meantime, I couldn't help pulling out a couple of quotes...things that have Raybin feeling blue, like this:
Segregation may not be the law of the land anymore, but it’s still the de facto state of America.
Umm...ya. I have no idea what this rube is talking about. Not a strong supporter of freedom of association I gather. Perhaps he would be happier if we forced people to live next door to each other.
Activism didn’t prevent 60,000 deaths in Vietnam.
He's right, activism did not prevent 60,000 American deaths in Vietnam. In fact, our politically pressured early withdrawl resulted in untold deaths at the hands of the Vietnamese government and the Khmer Rouge. Millions perhaps.
I feel like I’m standing at the bottom of one of the WTC towers, watching it come down on me, floor by floor, knowing I’ll be blown to atoms, yet unable to move.
Of course, rube has absolutely no idea what it was like for people standing at the bottom of the WTC and his analogy simply demonstrates how meaningless the far left's analogies have become as a whole. That he can compare his obvious case of PEST with the feeling of someone about to be crushed under tons of rubble at the hands of religious fanatics is just...plain...stupid.
Dailykos is considered the premier left-wing blog. This is what they are producing. Any questions?
It’s become more and more apparent to me over the past five years that all the activism and non-violent protesting in the world will do precisely squat. When you’re dealing with evil people who have no shame, the old rules of the game don’t and, indeed, can’t apply if you have any hope for success. Hundreds of thousands of people have marched, millions of letters have been written, tens of millions of votes cast, and hundreds of trillions of electrons expended pontificating on blogs...for nothing. Nothing has changed. Nothing will change. Not unless it comes in the form of something akin to the French Revolution.
We need terror. We need horror. We need the streets running awash in rivers of blood of these thugs and criminals and zealots. Activism didn’t prevent 60,000 deaths in Vietnam. All the activism of the Civil Rights era has gotten African Americans precisely nowhere. Segregation may not be the law of the land anymore, but it’s still the de facto state of America.
When y’all want to start throwing molotovs and sniping from windows come and talk to me. Until then, I will be content to retire, be a hermit, and laugh at everyone. Even then, I may still just feel like laughing as the world falls apart around me, but at least I’ll be willing to listen.
My mental state is collapsing and deteriorating almost daily. It’s so consistent you could practically graph it. My life is falling apart at an equally alarming rate, and yet I feel like doing nothing to salvage it. I feel like I’m standing at the bottom of one of the WTC towers, watching it come down on me, floor by floor, knowing I’ll be blown to atoms, yet unable to move.
Personally I would actually welcome what Raybin is advocating. Perhaps then we could stop pretending that the far left is a legitimate political option in this country. In the meantime, I couldn't help pulling out a couple of quotes...things that have Raybin feeling blue, like this:
Segregation may not be the law of the land anymore, but it’s still the de facto state of America.
Umm...ya. I have no idea what this rube is talking about. Not a strong supporter of freedom of association I gather. Perhaps he would be happier if we forced people to live next door to each other.
Activism didn’t prevent 60,000 deaths in Vietnam.
He's right, activism did not prevent 60,000 American deaths in Vietnam. In fact, our politically pressured early withdrawl resulted in untold deaths at the hands of the Vietnamese government and the Khmer Rouge. Millions perhaps.
I feel like I’m standing at the bottom of one of the WTC towers, watching it come down on me, floor by floor, knowing I’ll be blown to atoms, yet unable to move.
Of course, rube has absolutely no idea what it was like for people standing at the bottom of the WTC and his analogy simply demonstrates how meaningless the far left's analogies have become as a whole. That he can compare his obvious case of PEST with the feeling of someone about to be crushed under tons of rubble at the hands of religious fanatics is just...plain...stupid.
Dailykos is considered the premier left-wing blog. This is what they are producing. Any questions?
Global Warming May Be Our Only Hope
Chimpy McHilterburton is at it again, attempting to fool the American sheeple that he gives one wit about gas prices and conservation. His latest subterfuge? A weak attempt to convince the country to conserve gas, even as Vice President Evil is right now building his underground oil pipeline from New Orleans to the Secret Halliburton Volcano Lair, while the war-mongering occupiers of Louisiana fill mass graves with the bodies of innocent brown-skinned Democrat refugees.
Liberal Larry is having none of it, and has come up with a brilliant strategy for undermining Bush's conservation propoganda.
This weekend, some friends and I intend to throw a progressive monkey wrench into the Chimp's plans by consuming as much fuel as humanly possible. Operation: Drive Bush Out of Office! will consist of 40 to 100 Volkswagen vans driving in endless circles around the Seattle GOP headquarters, stopping only to refill our tanks and stock up on Twinkies and Fritos. If lower gas prices are to Bush's advantage, then it's our patriotic duty to give him the exact opposite. Only by depleting the national petroleum reserves and forcing gasoline prices UP can we finally "Drive Bush Out of Office" and bring an end to his illegal and immoral War for Oil.
Why stop there Larry? After all, Chimpy is just a symptom of the overall problem. The world will never be safe for aging hippies, innocent children, minorities, and women, as long as Republicans exist in any form. I propose we extend this protest until global warming results in a massive flooding of the Mississippi River, thereby drowning the vast majority of red states in the middle of this country and returning leadership of this oppressive nation to the enlightened on the coasts.
It may be distasteful, but accelerating the effects of global warming may now be our only hope to save the country from the Jesus-loving-racist-war mongerers that are even as we speak preparing marching orders for Diebold in 2008.
If we don't destroy the planet, we may never get true regime change.
Liberal Larry is having none of it, and has come up with a brilliant strategy for undermining Bush's conservation propoganda.
This weekend, some friends and I intend to throw a progressive monkey wrench into the Chimp's plans by consuming as much fuel as humanly possible. Operation: Drive Bush Out of Office! will consist of 40 to 100 Volkswagen vans driving in endless circles around the Seattle GOP headquarters, stopping only to refill our tanks and stock up on Twinkies and Fritos. If lower gas prices are to Bush's advantage, then it's our patriotic duty to give him the exact opposite. Only by depleting the national petroleum reserves and forcing gasoline prices UP can we finally "Drive Bush Out of Office" and bring an end to his illegal and immoral War for Oil.
Why stop there Larry? After all, Chimpy is just a symptom of the overall problem. The world will never be safe for aging hippies, innocent children, minorities, and women, as long as Republicans exist in any form. I propose we extend this protest until global warming results in a massive flooding of the Mississippi River, thereby drowning the vast majority of red states in the middle of this country and returning leadership of this oppressive nation to the enlightened on the coasts.
It may be distasteful, but accelerating the effects of global warming may now be our only hope to save the country from the Jesus-loving-racist-war mongerers that are even as we speak preparing marching orders for Diebold in 2008.
If we don't destroy the planet, we may never get true regime change.
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